


Meadow of Gloom

by MarvelgirlOnAMarvelWorld



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Death, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, I will add more tags as I continue to write more pieces, Romance, Sad Ending, Violence, aren't we all suckers for angst?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24073807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelgirlOnAMarvelWorld/pseuds/MarvelgirlOnAMarvelWorld
Summary: *This will be a collection of writings I've done for Loki, mainly--if not definitely--oneshots. These will primarily be angsty. Proceed with caution, and of course, enjoy!*
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki/Female Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	1. My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> It’s a very sad one shot, or at least I think it’s sad. Please pardon any grammatical errors or the monstrous amounts of bad punctuation placement. I’ve tried to edit it myself a few times, but I’m sure there are still a few things to tweak here and there.
> 
> Loki and the reader have agreed to one last mission before they leave the team. Though both love the whole avenging business--even if one of them never admits it openly--neither can’t seem to cope with the idea of one or the other getting hurt let alone the possibility of dying during a mission. They’ve grown so close to each other, have gone through so much alone, and together, the mere idea of losing one another makes them crawl under their skin. Neither of them is about to take any chances, they wouldn’t be able to keep on going without having the other by his/her side. However, as their last mission reached its end, no casualties except those of the enemy or so they thought, things take an unexpected turn.

Loki stood in the middle of the rubble, blood dripping from his dust smeared forehead, looking around taking in every detail, trying to re-orient himself after the sudden explosion. Though the ringing on his ears made it difficult for him to concentrate, the buzzing made him dizzier. It felt like the world had stilled, everything slowed down, as the world spun slowly around him.

He kept looking around taking in every detail trying to find any movement of anything, his hands clutched tightly his daggers, and with a shaky breath, he started limping.

**_One step_ **

Falling to his knees with a thud, small rocks scraped his leather pants. He closed his eyes hoping the sudden haze vanished, and picked himself up again. He couldn’t waste time, he was looking for something… or was it somebody? Yes, (y/n)!

_**Two steps**_ , this time he was able to maintain his balance.

He stumbled as he walked, swaying like a drunk man would after countless shots of tequila, holding his weight against some fallen walls of concrete for balance. His heart was racing as he searched desperately. A knot already forming in his throat, and a sinking feeling settling on his stomach, knowing his worst nightmare would turn real if he didn’t hurry.

He searched through the debris of the fallen buildings, moving rubble and large pieces of concrete out of his way. But there was nobody. He had to cover a lot of ground by himself, there was no time to wait for the team to arrive. Time wasn’t on his side, it never was.

_**Three more steps**_ , there she was.

It was too late by the time he’d found her under some debris. Blood all over her face and bruised body, her heart having a hard time pumping blood to her system. There was nothing he could do. Nothing the team could do.

It was too late.

He staggered to her limp body resting on the rubble, his daggers falling to the ground with a clank. His worst nightmare had turned real. She was laying on the ground, bleeding out from wounds he knew all too well the weapons that caused them. Her eyes never looking away from the blue sky as she slowly gasped for air. But her lungs were quickly filling up with blood, there was no oxygen left inside. Her body stilling, trying not to make a single move hoping this would lessen the pain.

_**One gasp** _

_“One battle, then we’ll leave all this behind no more avenging no more blood.” He promised weeks before the fight._

_**Two gasps** _

_“One last battle and our debt will be paid, no more avenging no more blood.” She glanced at him with a smile while she tied the laces of her boots. “We’ll be free.”_

**Three gasps**

As if his body was in autopilot, he fell to his knees and pulled her dying body to his lap. All control was lost the moment he saw her lying on the ground bleeding to death. All bravery gone to the gutter, fear taking over. He placed his trembling hands on her cheeks, while desperately trying to assure her everything would be alright.

“Loki?” her voice came out like a groan, she started choking on her own blood.

He tried using his seidr but his nerves wouldn’t let him focus, he was only able to heal the wounds that hadn’t cut deep in her flesh. Even if his seidr worked, he wouldn’t be able to heal her wounds one hundred percent. She would still die, it was inevitable.

_**Four gasps**_ , dread creeping in.

“No no no no no no!” he cried out holding her tightly in his arms as if by doing so he would remedy everything. “(Y/n) please! Please, darling, don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes!”

_**Five Gasps** _

“Are we… Are we free now?” She asked reaching out to cup his cheek covered in tears. “Did…did we win?

“Yes, darling.” He chuckled trying to ease the tense atmosphere. “Yes we are, we’re finally free. Now we can go travel the world just like we said.”

_**One tear** _

He started panicking when he didn’t hear her answer back, his stomach dropping noticing the clouding in her eyes. The light vanishing away. Crying out in fear he called out her name snapping her out of her daze, earning him a slight smile from her bloody mouth. He held onto her dying body tighter, afraid of letting go.

“Remem…” choking out more blood, chin covered in crimson and dripping to her neck, she tried speaking. Still, he thought, even with blood all over her, she still looked just as beautiful. “Remember that song you… were singing the other day?”

His face contorted remembering the song, “What song darling?” He asked even though he already knew, how _could_ he forget that song. It was the only Midgardian song he knew, his favorite. Portions of it told their story. Their begging and their ending. Most of all, it reminded him of his beloved (y/n).

_**Two tears** _

“It… it’s the only so… song you know.” She chuckled, trying to mask the pain she felt. “You silly.”

He smiled cradling her weak body slowly rocking her, hoping to bring her any comfort, “Ah yes.” Tears rolled down, damping his cheeks while he chuckled. “How did it go again? Do you remember, dear?”

Taking advantage, and seeing it as a way to keep her from falling unconscious, he asked. He had to buy some time, just a little, while he waited for the team to find them or he found a way to remedy the situation.

_**One heartbeat**_ , lungs completely flooded and her system starting to shut down.

_“The other… the other night dear,”_ she sang.

_“As I lay sleeping.”_ His voice broke, tears blurring his vision. He tried to smile to make her feel calm but seeing her dying tore him apart. All control was slipping away. He was losing her.

_“I dreamed…I held you in my arms.”_ Her eyes started to close.

_**Two heartbeats** _

“No no no (y/n), darling stay with me.” He softly slapped her cheek making her eyes open slightly. She didn’t want to close her eyes, she tried fighting it, but she could no longer control her body. “Come on don’t close your eyes, sing with me darling come on.”

_“But when I woke, dear…I was…mistaken.”_ She reached out to touch his hand, knowing he was afraid. At that point, she hated herself for being the reason behind his tears. Maybe if she hadn’t separated from him, she thought, none of this would have happened. She should’ve stayed by his side, she thought.

“Come on sing with me darling.” Kissing her hand, still rocking her body back and forth, he brought her hand then to his chest where his heart was and pressed it gently against it. Never letting go of her hand. _“So I hung my head and cried.”_ His voice broke. “Sing with me darling, don’t close your eyes.”

_**One sob** _

He hid his face on the crook of her neck, clinging to her limp body, trembling and crying. Afraid of letting go of her, for if he did, she would slip away from him forever. She was his sunshine, the light at the end of the tunnel, she was his light that shone brightly during his darkest times. He couldn’t let go, he wouldn’t let go, he wasn’t going to, he wasn’t ready yet. He rocked her body while he sobbed and shook, feeling small and hopeless.

He was afraid.

_“You are my sunshine,”_ a faint whisper coming out of her crimson-stained mouth, _“my only sunshine.”_

She tried to sit up using what was left of her strength but was unable to. She knew this was the end, and as much as it pained him, he knew it too. Her life was slipping away, the same way when you try to hold water in your hands. Dripping slowly between your cupped hands, slowly slipping through, till there’s nothing left but a faint trace in your palm; evidence of where it once was, but no longer is.

A tear rolled down her cheek, she was afraid, she didn’t want to die. She didn’t voice it though, for it was a comfort for her to know, that the last person she was going to be with before parting, was him. She was going to die on his arms, and that brought her some peace of mind.

_**One last smile** _

_“You make me happy when skies are gray,”_ he sung pressing his forehead against hers.

_“You’ll never know dear,”_ she muttered caressing his cheek trying to comfort him, _“how much I love you.”_

_**One last kiss** _

Her hand slipped falling to her side, leaving only the ghost of her touch. He pulled away to look at her, the light was gone. Her eyes were clouded now, there was no life in them anymore.

“Oh, but I know, I know how much you love me.” He sobbed while rocking her body, clinging to it as his life depended on it.

_**One final embrace.** _

He hugged her tightly while he rested his chin on her head, and stared blankly into the distance.

_“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine”_

He whispered clutching her body tightly.

_“You make me happy when skies are gray.”_

He kissed her forehead, closing his bloodshot eyes.

_“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.”_

He leaned down to kiss her lips one last time, a broken smile looming around before fading.

_“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”_

Hiding his face in the crook of her neck Loki broke down. He cried and screamed and sobbed, pleading heaven to bring her back. Still rocking her body as if he was in a frenzy, he sobbed, the pain in his chest becoming unbearable. His heart ached and felt it die a little, but to know he hadn’t been able to save her made him crawl under his skin.

Seeing the life vanish slowly from her eyes felt like the end of the world. _His_ world. He felt so small and helpless, so alone without her, like a little boy again. Like the little broken boy he once was, hidden away in the shadows, forced to live in them with no company. Alone.

It mattered very little now, no matter how much he cried, how much he screamed to the skies, how tightly he held her, how many promises he made to make things right… his sunshine would not come back.

Now he was left with the memories of the past, of what once was, and dreams of what could have been


	2. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recent attacks and sights of humanoids, appearing to be from another dimension, have Loki and the Avengers sent overseas to see about the problem. This mission, however, takes longer to resolve than expected. On the ninth day of the mission, things take an unexpected turn for the trickster, whose magic might not be able to save him this time around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went off on a tangent while working on a different story, and this is the outcome of that tangent. It’s another sad angsty one shot. I apologize for any grammatical and punctuation mistakes you'll encounter while reading. Feedback's appreciated!

“Please pick up,” Loki muttered throwing his head back.

The sound of another explosion nearby made the beams tremble, dust from the cracked ceiling fell like sand from an hourglass.

He was sitting, if not hiding, away from the ongoing commotion outside. He’d found refuge inside an abandoned building, well, what was left of it.

“She’s not answering.” Friday’s robotic voice sounded through Loki’s earpiece. “Would you like me to try again, Mr. Laufeyson?”

“Yes, Norns! Don’t stop until she picks up that damned thing!” Loki hissed breathing erratically. He didn’t have much time left.

His shaking hand was met by an increasing patch of blood from his abdomen. Back in battle, he didn’t think those stab wounds were _that_ bad. He wasn’t counting with those creatures having weapons made by dark elves. Weapons fabricated by them were one of the finest most lethal tools; capable of killing any creature, including him, a Jotun.

The ground shook again, more dust fell to the floor. Things were not going how Loki wanted them to go. Everything had gone out of control so quickly so fast. Those idiots had gone after him first. Thinking about it now made the trickster chuckle before writhing in pain at such action. It was a nice strategy; get rid of the main two threats –him and his brother– leave the less threatening ones last.

It’s stung, like a flame slowly burning his insides and crawled slowly out. Everything hurt, breathing felt like he was being stabbed all over again. Oh but speaking, speaking felt like a dagger was being twisted inside of him.

And there was so much blood. He couldn’t make it stop from flowing out. His magic…his magic was useless. Pressing his hands against the wounds wasn’t stoping the blood flow at all.

“Loki?” Noah’s sleepy voice brought him back from his sudden zone out.

Hearing her voice made a knot form in his throat…her saying his name… it felt like a punch in the gut.

Loki tried sitting up but it only made the pain worst. “Noah… darling.” That was all he could mouth as he tried so hard for his voice not to quiver. His vision blurred from the tears he was holding back, as he smiled.

“It’s two in the morning, why are you calling me so…” the line went silent for a moment, her breath hitching “are you alright?!”

His face contorted as he closed his eyes and held back a sob. She couldn’t know…knowing would only bring her pain. And he didn’t want that…He didn’t want that for her.

“Darling…I’m alright.” He couldn’t even bring himself to articulate full long sentences. If he kept talking like this, at this rate, she would realize something was wrong. “I just wanted to hear your voice, I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too Loki.” He could already imagine her smiling so foolishly. “When are you coming back to me?”

“I’m not sure darling,” Loki lied, his hands turning into fists as he held back another whimper. He looked up to the cracked ceiling with pleading eyes as he silently cried. “Soon, I hope.”

“Loki…the..s..mething….I have…tell you.”

Multiple explosions nearby shook the ground, in the process almost losing the signal.

“Noah?” His stomach dropped when the line went silent. She was gone. He closed his eyes and hit the ground with his fist. He didn’t even had the chance to say what he truly wanted to say. He dwelled around it too long and lost the chance.

“Loki? Loki? Can you hear me?” His eyes shot open and sat up straight right away. Wrong move though. A searing pain shot through his body making him cry out in pain. Small black dots appeared on his vision. “Loki? Are you alright?!”

He hunched back down with a whimper and took a deep breath. “Yes love, it’s it’s nothing… I just hit myself with this stupid stupid thing…Uh, tell me, darling, how are you?”

“Missing you,” she answered. “Everything’s so black and white here without you.”

Loki’s heart fluttered and smiled. “Oh, I can imagine darling.”

Noah went on telling Loki how things were with him and the Avengers gone. How his absence created such an overwhelming kenopsia in the places the two frequented in the tower. Her routine was the most boring of it all: breakfast at eight, training at ten, lunch at one, paperwork, and dinner at seven.

Though his eyes started rolling to the back of his head, and his breathing started faltering, Loki payed attention to every word she said. He even genuinely laughed, though the pain was unbearable, when she told him of the time she almost burned down the kitchen while baking.

Though it was hard to focus, he listened; for he knew he would never get to hear her sweet voice again. Where he was going she would not be.

There came a moment though, when the dizziness became too much; everything started to spin, to spiral around him. And her voice distorted, it became distant and barely audible. He knew he was running out of time. Loki didn’t know how much he could endure. His hands were completely stained in crimson red, and so was the upper half of his armor.

“Noah?” He interrupted. Everything was starting to blur around him. If he wanted to say what he wished to say, he’d have to do it in that instant. “I know, I know that I uh… I am not the most expressive person, I know I am far from perfect despite being a god. You might think of us gods as perfect entities, but darling, us gods are far form perfection.” He paused and swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He was dwelling around the matter too much. Something he’d said he wasn’t going to do.

“Loki?” She whispered. “Where are you going with this? What’s going on?”

He took a deep breath to calm his erratic heartbeat. “I just want to say… I love you, Noah,” he finally stated. Loki pressed his fist against his mouth trying to hold back a sob. “I‘ve always loved you, darling.”

She didn’t respond right away making Loki wonder if he’d done right by voicing his feelings towards her. Did he scare her away? Didn’t she feel the same way?

A million questions and very little time left to answer them.

“Loki, I love you too.” her answer felt like it’d taken part of his pain away. Yet he was still left with a sour taste in his out. “But why now?”

 _‘Because I’m a coward. A selfish-self-absorbed fool invested in my own self-preservation; too invested in protecting my dignity. A fool. A fool who thought himself indestructible, invincible. Most of all, because I do. I love you. With all my strength, my being, my soul. And never in my lifetime had I felt the way I feel except when I’m with you. Because you’ve proven me wrong. You bring the good in me, you see what the rest of the world refuses to see. I love you because you’re…you. So quirky, so unique, so fragile…yet so_ _strong, so fierce; you hold the strength and bravery of an army of Valkyries on the day of Ragnarok. Because you have the purest soul. Mainly, because you’re you.’_

Loki wanted to say all those things, but instead, he remained silent.

“I couldn’t wait any longer,” he said instead, “I’ve been wanting to say those words for so long, but I was too caught up. But don’t doubt when I say that I love you, I mean it. The timing might be off but…I do love you.’’

How stupid of him to profess his love to her so late. To say those three words now felt like a slap in the face. Now those three words seemed like a small mocking window to a different future of what could have been if he’d said those words sooner instead of later.

His confession seemed to have woken her up, and the two continued conversing for a while longer. Loki carried on the conversation with the very little strength left in him, asking about her days since he and the team left on the mission. She was so cheerful, so full of life…so full of joy. And he was…dying. A harsh reality for him.

Loki was so desperate to hear her voice, he didn’t realize until then that he’d woken her up. Though he didn’t want to accept it, the time to say goodbye was approaching. She needed to rest. And he couldn’t hold on much longer.

“I am so sorry I’ve been keeping you awake this long dear,” he truly felt awful about it. If he’d known, he wouldn’t have called.

“It’s fine.” The sound of her yawning tore him apart, he didn’t want to say goodbye. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to be alone, not now. He wanted to hear her voice until his consciousness vanished. “If it’s you, sleep can wait.”

“You should go back to sleep now dear,” he scolded her. Black pots started appearing on Loki’s vision again. He’d been holding on longer than imagined, he was tired as well. It was a different kind of tired though. “I mean it.”

“Fine,” her tone was nagging yet teasing.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he teased. He wasn’t ready to let her go, but he had to. A tear rolled down his cheek, his soft smile quivered. “Alright then, I’ll let you off to rest, dear. Good night my love.”

Noah yawned before answering. “Goodnight, _my_ king.” He felt a pang in his chest, she was the only one who called him that; although he was king no more. But he felt like one when he was beside her, and this made their farewell more painful.

Loki was about to put an end to this painful farewell but remembered something, “Wa…wait!” He winced.

“Aha?” she yawned.

“Before I go,” he looked down to his bloody hands still trying to stop the bleeding “I need you to do something for me.“

“Sure,” she said.

“In the library, inside the...the book of Asgardian poetry, there’s something I need you to get,” he tried to explain as drops of sweat ran down his forehead.

“The library from the tower? Or our library from our flat?” she asked mid-yawn.

“Our own.”

Loki heard her scrambled through the sheets and then the soft footsteps of her slippers against the tiles.

“Wait, which book?” She asked confused. “I see three books of Asgardian poetry.”

“The… the green one,” he stuttered. His body started feeling lighter all of a sudden.

Her sudden gasp made him smirk pleasantly.

“Loki?!” Her voice pitched. “It’s beautiful.”

“There’s something…something engraved on it,” he swallowed hard, “What does…what does it say?”

“It’s not in English,” she said disillusioned.

He swallowed hard before articulating again. “I know darling, that is for you to figure out. I had planned a dinner where I was going to surprise you with that necklace. But I just couldn’t wait any longer.”

“Thank you,” the sound of her slippers echoed through the coms. “It’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” another tear rolled down his cheek. “I should go…I’m running out of time.”

“Can't you stay on the line a little longer?” She pleaded. “At least until I fall asleep?”

Loki agreed. This way, both would fall into slumber; though his was permanent. He sat back, his back and head resting against the cracked concrete wall.

“Noah?” He called her name barely a whisper.

“Yes?” She muttered half asleep.

“I love you,” his voice quivered, this time he didn’t try to hide it, “always remember that.” Closing his eyes he held back another sob.

“I love you too Loki,” her voice was faint. “With all my heart, I love you…forever.”

Listening to the faint sound of her breathing, he imagined himself beside her. It wouldn’t take long until he too, fell asleep forever. His hands, which had been clutching his abdomen, loosened their grip and fell to the side.

He called out her name one last time, but there was no answer. She was asleep. His bloody hand reached to his ear and took out the small device Stark gave him and threw it aside.

As his last minutes neared, Loki thought about Noah; her smile, her voice, how she bit her lip when she was concentrated. Using those last minutes of lucidity, he imagined a different outcome of their lives. He imagined how things would’ve been different for the two of them if he had expressed himself sooner, if he hadn’t gone to that mission. He imagined a happy ending.

Maybe he wouldn’t be sitting inside a crumbling building, bleeding to death, alone.

Maybe he and Noah would’ve had a happy ending if he’d said those words earlier. Maybe he wouldn't be in the situation he was. He would’ve been beside her, making her happy in all the ways he knew; showering her with presents, kisses, and sweet nothings.

Or maybe nothing would’ve changed. Maybe everything would have taken the same course regardless. Either way, he liked the idea of them having a happy ending, so he stuck with it as his heartbeat slowed.

In his delirious mind, in that exact moment, he was no longer in that crumbling building. In his mind, at that moment, he was in her arms, in her sweet embrace; both laying in bed staring into each other’s eyes.

In his mind, they had a happy ending, regardless of what his reality was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	3. To Know Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Based on an imagine and a Tumblr request from a friend*  
> It's movie night at the compound as it is Loki's turn to choose the movie everyone will watch. His selection: horror. His intentions behind such selection? To have reader beside him, he knows she's frightened of such movies--especially if aliens are involved. However, things take a dire turn as the reader flees, for the movie triggers memories she would rather forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another oneshot! Nobody dies in this one haha! just pure angst. Please beware, this oneshot includes PTSD implications, related to a past abduction. Read with caution.

It all was going according to plan.

Tension permeated the lounge. Clung like claws to every bone as light reflected and tainted the faces of everyone in the dark. Surged by suspense; by the not knowing; by the movie unfolding.

The black night seeped through the glass. The only boundary to the outside. It only enhanced their thrilling suspense. And the trickster’s enjoyment.

Every sound was a spark. A caress to the spine. Goosebumps to the heart.

Their eyes were drawn, soldered to the action, caught in the webs of the screen’s psychological thrill. Mostly expectant, completely distracted while they stuffed their mouths with never-ending snacks.

It all unraveled to his will. 

Loki had chosen wisely. And had been gifted with the thrill of her fear. He had toyed with it. Used it to his benefit. Now she was clinging to him. 

Pretty thing. Frightened little fawn. She sought refuge in his wolfish disguise. And pleaded to the god for the movie to be stopped, for the horrors to be cast out.

Loki paid deaf ears to her pleas as a matter of fact. He was ecstatic with her company. With her arms embracing him.

Pretty frightened thing. Beside him she trembled. Flinched and clung to him as her hand clutched and entwined with his. As if those creatures with eyes as black as the void and pale scaly flesh would detach and turn to a vivid nightmare. As if they too, would snatch her away from the room.

“Please turn it off…” she was hating it. She was loathing every second as much as she was now despising the foolish trickster. Abhorred him as much as she did her repressed memories. Her ever-present secret. For each macabre sound prickled her veins numb. Each look to the creatures of other worlds enticed her heart to hammer loud, fast, heavy in the backdrop of heavy breathing coming from the tv. All to no end till she was rendered against a void of dizziness and visions.

And he was enjoying it. Not the film. The movie was as boring as it could ever be. But to have her so near. Yes! He was blissfully delighted. 

“And just why would I do so?” His surmised response shushed her fears.

A grimace of anger shadowed her face as her eyes drifted to the screen. She was hating it.

On carried the film. Each scene immersed the lounge in scalding silence; in a grim background orchestra which raised all hairs on end. Drew in the Avengers with every creature from a foreign land and every kidnap. With every victim growing mad, paranoid, desperate for they couldn’t tell who was who, or who had gone where.

“Never thought you’d be a weeper,” Loki mocked her fright with a snarky smile. His eyes twinkled enamored as he had an internal fight.

He was being heartless after all. Just a little. Perhaps a lot.

“Okay, I think that’s enough.” Nat arbitrated at some point. She was one of two who’d been aware of her friend growing anxious. “Turn it off.”

But who had the power? Loki smirked. It sure wasn’t her and he wouldn’t do so anyway.

“It’s okay,” her voice was small, helpless while her eyes drifted anywhere else but the hideous aliens. All eyes had suddenly landed on her. “Think I should go to bed early anyway.” She excused herself, just to be denied her parting by Loki. 

_Selfish little asshole._

His grip, yet soft, was firm around her middle. His smile, much like the cheesier cat, twinkled mischief as much as his eyes did. They were stars fallen from the sky. Meteors crashing to cause a furor. “So you are a weeper girl. How can you _possibly_ be an Avenger?”

”I am not a weeper you idiot.” Annoyed of his speeches her pride bloomed forth again and her timid eyes wandered back to the screen. “Now get your hands off of me.”

Loki had succeeded again. His grip softened though he did not move his arm. That mischievous side had won the internal fight. And now as the victor, he reclined back and feigned to focus back on the movie itself and not her. So too, did the Avengers drift their confused eyes back to the unfolding plot. So too, did hers.

It all was silent again. Everyone was expectant while the stars gazed down on the compound. On her. 

Minutes passed, seconds withered away, more and more aliens appeared on the screen and caused mayhem. More victims had fallen to them, to their tests. Communication with them was futile, their reasons remained in a language none of the characters could comprehend, worsening their chances to know why had such creatures reached earth. It all seemed the end would unfold with colonization. 

Loki was less and less interested in the plot itself. But more and more did her anxiousness bloomed and exploded in her chest, flooded her veins, tainted her mind until no more could she stand to stay.

“I can’t do this,” she murmured brokenly as she rushed out of the lounge and into the dim-lit hall.

“Wait!” Wanda stood and paused momentarily. A grimace shaded her face against the light of the screen as she turned to Loki. “You insensitive idiot,” she snapped as her accent thickened evermore and rushed after the girl.

Loki was only left with perplexity in his mind as well as guilt building up in every thought. For he hadn’t thought such a movie would cause someone as much distress as it had.

Silence was grim, tension clung to it, suffocated it, to say the least. In a blink, all light dimmed back to life and ushered the night back out. So too, was the screen frozen and shut down. All eyes drilled down on the trickster who had nothing to do but hide his astonishment with his usual mask of indifference. 

“Brother!” Thor roared angrily.

Natasha stood and stiffened her jaw. Her glare, cold as the snow, pierced through as Loki gazed at her as she paced trying to hold her wits and not kill him instantly. “I’ve had it with your bullshit Laufeyson.”

“Oh, it was all but pure fun,” the trickster excused himself as he sat back pinching his lips, disguising lazily his amused sneer.

Nat shook her head and chuckled angrily, “You’re an insensitive asshole! Do you ever think before you act, huh?! Do you even realize what you’ve done?! How much harm you’ve caused?!”

“Oh, do please, by all means, enlighten me as to how I’ve presumably done any harm,” Loki humored as the rest stared in silence with concern in their eyes.

“She was kidnapped Loki! As a child!” Natasha gestured. “And it’s not for me to tell you all this. But why do you think she was acting the way she did?! This!” She pointed to the black screen, “This was too much for her. Those people in the movie! All those who were kept as lab rats for experiments in there! She was _them_!” 

Her fury rained down crimson. And if Loki was already pale, he was now a ghost as he studied the redhead’s face in the search for an expecting lie he did not found. But Natasha was a trained spy, one to lie so easily even he, the god of lies, would not be able to distinguish it. So it must be a lie, right?

Loki cocked his brow reluctantly, unwilling to believe. “Have you a better lie to tell, Romanoff?”

The former spy glared at the sitting trickster helplessly. “You’re a heartless piece of shit,” she growled and folded her arms. 

Silence again placated the place before she spoke again, this time on a much calmer tone than before.

“Loki, she was used as a human test for years by people who thought themselves to be God. By people like HYDRA if not worse than them. They played with her mind. They injected her god knows what, every single day. Exposed her to heaven’s know the amounts of radiation throughout the years! She was taken from her parents when they had decided to go on a picnic…her powers are the collateral damage, her everyday reminder, of what they did to her. _You_ yourself claim to have gone through hell and understand how it feels. And if what you claim is true…then you should understand what you did triggered her.”

Loki’s breath faltered. His heart seemed to slow, to almost come to a stop as the hurtful truth sunk. The room somehow seemed to have gotten cold and much larger than it was. And he realized…he was an insensitive idiot. A bloodless asshole as Nat had barked. Again his pranks had crossed the line. 

And she was right. Loki had to admit, the read head was as right his own seldom could not abide to let it pass.

It all had gone according to plan. Yet somewhere along the lines, things had fallen apart. His wicked game had spiral and caused harm. Loki hadn’t aimed for that. He never meant to cause as much distress. It was all after all supposed to be harmless, innocent pure fun. Another of his unexplainable ways to have that one soul who made his heart soar stay close. 

Yet, he had fucked up. Big time.

Right away Loki sprung up from his seat just as a hand gripped his collar and pulled his upper body. “Your better make this right, brother,” Thor snarled as his knuckles whitened. His deep-sea glare sparked rage much like the clouds in the foreground. “Your tricks have gone too far.”

Yes, his tricks had gone too far. Loki was now aware of that.

Brusquely he stepped away from his brother’s death grip and spun on his heels, and chased after the poor soul he had so carelessly hurt.

_You idiot! You fool! You clueless big dumb fool! All you ever do is hurt people. And of all people you could have harmed with your stupid games, for your personal amusement, you come and hurt her…you fool._

The grand halls were barren in the backdrop of the starry night. The stars, hanging and twinkling so knowingly, peered back at the desperate trickster whose footsteps echoed against the midnight silence. All of a sudden Loki had forgotten where in the compound was her chambers.

_Was it this way or the other way? No. This is the way. Yes._

Briskly he turned once again and was met by a familiar adorned door down the hallway. Silently he neared it and noticed it was ajar. A soft accented voice drifted in the dead of silence inside. Loki knew it was Wanda, comforting her just like the good friend she was.

Deep down, Loki wished he had been that friend.

“It’s okay, they can’t hurt you now,” the redhead cooed softly. “They’re gone, we made sure of it.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Her voice sweet as sugar, assured the trembling girl before soft, barely audible, footsteps replaced her voice. “I’ll go get you some water and something to calm your nerves. And probably kill that tricker somewhere along the way,” Wanda humored, “Hang in there.”

“Oh, please don’t,” soft laughter reached Loki’s ears which made his heart skip a beat and placed a soft, guilt-tripped, smile on his face. He acknowledged in his head, although he knew Wanda meant the latter to an extent, he deserved it.

Right away Loki shielded his presence from Wanda’s eyes as she walked out the door and down the hall. He waited a few moments, before growing enough courage and nearing the open door.

One, two, three silent steps.

Once there, his inquisitive eyes wandered from the neatness of her room to her form sitting on the bed. And noticed her eyes were glazed, pensive; they were a pair of crystals lost in the dark forest just beyond her window across. Loki didn’t have to inquire to know what were her current thoughts.

Ever so slightly, Loki knocked on the door frame and leaned against it. His fingers right away started fidgeting with each other as her eyes darted his way and widened ever so slightly.

“What? You’re here to continue mocking me,” she sniffed and raised her brow.

Loki parted his lips but no words came out. His throat had gone dry just as a tug of guilt had nestled in his chest. He knew it was the nerves.

Her eyes remained on him for another minute, disinterested yet drilling down his soul, before she set her gaze back on the dancing branches of the trees outside. The midnight breeze softly whistling outside filled the room in place of the deafening silence.

“No,” Loki finally answered.

“I suppose Nat spoke to you about _it_ ,” she inquired distractedly, “otherwise you wouldn’t even be here looking like a sad scolded puppy.”

Ouch.

Loki only fell silent and observed the contour of her face as she breathed in and closed her eyes. His lack of words spoke tenfold of what he knew although the vagueness of it.

“What I did…” Loki lowered his eyes to the gray carpet on the floor and slowly stepped forth, “words alone cannot express how _sorry_ I am for hurting you…” ever so slightly he raised his gaze as he stood two footsteps away from her, “for causing you to remember. I never meant it. It was heartless.”

A tear rolled down her cheek as she still refused to acknowledge Loki who right away summoned a delicate white cloth and offered it to her. Silently she took it and dried away the stray crystal bead.

“Oh, I relive those memories every day, you know. You didn’t cause me to remember. I always see them, in my nightmares,” she said in a hushed tone, almost broken, melancholic for a dreamless night she now doubted she would ever have. An evening when closing her eyes never meant to relive the past. “Whenever I close my eyes I remember. I remember every single detail. My mind forces me to. I recall their whispers, their heavy breathing, the glossiness of the walls, the pinch, and coolness of their needless, the rubber of their gloves against my skin, how blinding were the lights I could never see clearly,” she explained. “I remember them every day, the only difference is…whenever I close my eyes, I have the control to fade them out so they don’t hurt as much.” She paused for a beat. Another tear meandered down her cheek, “but today, you took the control I had over my memories. I could feel them so vividly, as if they were there, sitting beside me, holding me down so they could continue on with their painful tests.”

Loki’s face grimaced sourly as he swallowed the lump that’d formed. The harm he’d cause…it was far worse than he had thought. He knew from his past how the ghost of endless torture still loomed about in the aftermath. How the control one could have over such things was limited but precious, invaluable. And he had triggered in her, that helplessness she’d once experienced time and time again. 

“I was only seven when they came…whoever or whatever they were. I never saw their faces regardless of how long I was kept by them,” she said out of nowhere while memories from the past resurfaced. “We were out at the park, having a picnic with mom and dad. It was a sunny day, breezy too. We were playing hide and seek, I ran to hide behind some bushes that were some feet away…The next thing I know is I’m laying on a metal table with needles and tubes stuck to my arms and my chest. And they wore these sort of gray suits whenever they came to the room. Though to me as a naive child, they seemed like… _aliens_.”

Loki reached to place his hand on her shoulder but hesitated. Rapidly he withdrew it and bit the inside of his cheek. He was no longer sure if it was the wises way to approach her without causing her any more distress than he had already inflicted. After all, as he thought of it, he was no good but to only cause heartache to others. He was a fuck up.

“It was never my intention, I _never_ meant for my foolish games to have gone so far…” a shadow of pained desperation crossed over Loki’s face, “I never desired for you to relive it all over…I… I should’ve…”

“Known better,” she finished off his sentence as he perplexedly fell silent. “I know,” her eyes still remained on the dancing woods outside. 

“Yes,” he agreed, slowly tilting his head. “I should have known. I was a fool. A heartless idiot.”

“But you didn’t know.” She turned her head and made eye contact with Loki. Her reddened eyes bore down on him, drilling him to his spot. “Nobody did. So how can I blame you when you knew nothing?” 

“Regardless,” Loki insisted, his voice soft like that of a boy who just had been reprehended for something. “I should have not done what I did. I shouldn’t have forced you to stay!” He quickly crouched in front of her and wiped away another tear from her. “It was completely stupid. I was an idiot. I should have known better.”

“I know it wasn’t your intention to make me relive it,” she acknowledged to his luck, “all you wanted was…my company,” she lifted her knowing gaze and half-smiled at Loki whose eyes were wide. “I know. You just went about things the wrong way without knowing. An old cliche which wouldn’t have worked by the way.” She pointed out as she wiped away the remnants of her tears and sighed.

“I…I…how did you…but…” Loki mumbled but no coherent, no complete sentences were able to come out of his mouth. For all he could wonder was how could she have known those were his true intentions?! 

Though it dawned on him she still remained a mystery to him. For very little was known about her and her true potential. He was amused to know one of her powers was…telepathy.

“I try not to use it, although I just did, it’s too intrusive,” she excused herself. “Way too intrusive.”

“A tad bit like me,” Loki uttered, still perplexed and lost in his head.

“Yes, a little like you,” she chuckled shyly. 

And Loki could have sworn his heart almost stopped. He had made her laugh, unintentionally, but he did! 

Loki glanced at her with enamored eyes and felt the world still for a brief stance. Good thing he was already crouched for his knees would have threatened to give in upon him witnessing such a warm smile. His lips eagerly curved and mirrored her semblance of shyness and sudden bloom of happiness. 

“Will you forgive me, dear? If there’s anything I could do to atone for my wrongdoings…there’s _nothing_ I wouldn’t do for you. Please.”

The wind continued to quietly whoosh and whistle outside as it waded through the starry night. So too, continued the tree branches to dance a lazy waltz.

Shadows formed on her eyes through her lashed as she gazed at Loki with gentle warmth. Perhaps she too felt something towards the fool.

“I forgive you, Loki. Just think before you play another of your tricks on someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
